You can't keep your nose in a book
by SSA Ariadne Gatmaitan Grey
Summary: Minamino Shina is a thousand year old kitsune, a master thief and strategist and a member of the feared and loved Reikai Tantei. She is also a seventeen-year-old teenager. FemKurama. My attempts at stealth pairing Kurama with every guy under the "Yu Yu Hakusho" sun plus my outlet for dealing with Repressed Yaoi Fangirl In-Denial Syndrome (RYFIDS).
1. Kaitou: The Promenade

**Author's Ramble: So, was awake at 3 am and couldn't stop thinking about a genderbent Kurama. Blame _"Meetings at the Park"_ by KaL KeY. It really isn't hard to imagine our Kurama as a girl. So here's a silly, sweet fic about Minamino Shina, also known as, Kurama. Please don't hate too much madlang tao. It won't be that bad! Originally planned this with Kuronue but then I thought it won't make sense. All other characters remain the same gender.**

**Summary: Minamino Shina is a thousand year old_ kitsune_, a master thief and strategist and a member of the feared and loved _Reikai Tantei._ She is also a seventeen-year-old teenager who doesn't want to go to prom.  
**

**Disclaimer: Other than the weirdness that is this fic and the idea that gave birth to it, I own nothing. Would love to own a Kurama though.  
**

* * *

"Hey, is that Kurama?"

The question posed as an incentive to break off the ensuing brawl as the two squabbling teens got up from the ground to join their friends in greeting the redhead.

It was a lovely spring day in Mushiyori City. The usual sun-is-shining, birds-are-singing, children-are-laughing sort of day that is practically the everyday weather forecast of shows who's target age group is four years old below.

The two teens who were previously wrestling had gotten up, yet still had each other in choke holds, the dominant fighter wearing a blue jacket over a white shirt with his raven hair gelled back in a pompadour, the losing brawler in a light blue version of the jacket with a striped white shirt, hair in messy carrot lumps. Yet their eyes were trained not on their rival but on their approaching teammate, grins and hellos on their lips.

Four teenage girls and two boys stood at the sidelines, either looks of amusement or annoyance at the idiocy of a street brawl in the middle of the town square quickly replaced by friendly smiles and waving hands or, for the more disgruntled, grunts and sneaky glances.

The girls, one with bubblegum-blue locks up in a ponytail, another her turquoise curls in a lovely braid, dressed in a pink dress and a brown jacket, another one in a uniform colored green and white from one of the nearby highschools and one more girl, taller than the rest, clad in a pair of green pants, a white dress shirt and a yellow-green sweater vest, either smiled, waved or called out.

"Kurama-_chan_!"

The two other teens of the other gender and a whole other species, the shorter of the two in a black cloak and a white scarf despite the heat, the other in the epitome of overdressed, sporting a complete three-piece tuxedo, gave small waves and even smaller smiles or in the case of the _jaganshi_, the aforementioned grunt and sneaky glance.

The young teen with crimson locks gave a wave to the group, crossing the street, wheedling through the crowd, making the trip towards them.

Long red hair shone in the sunny day as emerald-green eyes shone even brighter at the sight of the small group of friends that had become known to the heart as family.

_"Konnichiwa minna_."

Kurama smiled when the trip from store to friends ended, greeting them as politely and sweetly as they had all come to know the_ kitsune_ for.

"And _minna_, how many times do I have to remind you all, here, it's Shina?"

* * *

Minamino Shina, also known as the infamous Youko Kurama in a former life but now as Kurama of the _Reikai Tantei_, smiled pleasantly at her friends, a delicate hand cupping her even more delicate mouth in an attempt to catch her laughter at the sight of her two best friends drawing it out in the middle of a public sidewalk.

In her usual highschool uniform, long slender legs peeked under her red skirt outlined with gold and over white knee socks. A full chest and a slim figure hid beneath a crimson blouse with brass buttons and a vermillion blazer the length of her torso up to her skirt, edged with yellow and brass from collar to buttons.

"Hello Kurama. Fancy meeting you here." Botan giggled, one beautiful lilac eye winking suggestively.

The act did not go unnoticed by Kurama. In fact, it only made her laugh even more.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that Botan? I don't think loitering in front of a _Ningenkai_ mall is part of your job as a ferrygirl. Nor as yours as _Reikai_ _ouiji-sama _Koenma. And for the record, it's not like what you're insinuating Botan. I just came here to buy something." Kurama lifted the paperbag in her hands as evidence of her innocuous trip.

"What was Botan "insinuating" anyway? And what does that even mean?" Kuwabara questioned, managing to pull out of Yuusuke's hold long enough to ask.

"'Insinuating'", basically means suggesting. And what Botan is _suggesting _is that-"

"Kurama-_chan_ has a boyfriend!" Botan's shrill voice pierced the air, heads turning towards the group.

"Botan- Ehhhh?" Kurama paused at the start of her lecture about discretion and voice volume, looking into her now empty hand in confusion.

"I _knew_ you had a boyfriend!" Botan screamed, all thrilled and hoity-toity. "You wouldn't buy this if you didn't have a guy you want to impress! And it's gorgeous!"

In Botan's hands was a gown. White as freshly fallen snow, the fabric flowed, filigreed with silver and black. The fabric glowed with sunshine and was smooth and soft to the touch. Around the part which Botan assumed was the waist, a black strip of garter was placed to emphasize the part it was suppose to hug when worn. The garter ended in a large silk ribbon in the back. The gown was strapless, ankle-length and perfect for Kurama.

"So what do you think?" The corners of Kurama's lips tipped up awkwardly, green eyes closed in the nervous expression of being caught.

The little circle of teens gathered around Botan, surprised that their Kurama would _have_ such a thing, let alone _buy_ it. And more alone than a complete asshole on a deserted island on an inhospitable planet, actually _wear_ it. Yet the shock was even greater when the fact was realized that Kurama would look awesome in it.

"What do we think? Kurama-_chan_, what do we _think_?"

Silence.

"I think whoever that guy's going to be is _sooooo_ lucky to see _our_ Kurama_-chan _in this!" Botan hugged the dress to her bosom.

"What's with the dress Kurama?" The Spirit Detective smiled teasingly at his friend as he released Kuwabara . "And who do I have to beat up for making you wear it?"

"It's beautiful Kurama-_chan_!" Keiko smiled as she stroked the gown in Botan's arms.

"You'll look great in it kid. But really, who's it for?" Shizuru crushed her unfinished cigarette underfoot before lighting another.

Despite prowess both physically and intellectually, the teens have grown protective of the redhead. She was the only female fighter other than Genkai-_shihan_, so the boys, as fighters with honor and creed, would of course protect her albeit she could protect herself and even beat _them_ up if she deemed it necessary. And though she was older than all of them, in soul and even in actual physical age with only Shizuru to refute, her delicate features and lovely appearance lent an air of fragility that brought out the maternal instincts and mother-hen intuition of the womenfolk of Team Urameshi.

"Before that, you haven't answered my question. And _minna_, it's Shina here." Kurama took the formal wear out of the ferrygirl's arms and folded it as a waiter would place a napkin over his arm.

"I'm sticking it to my father and showing him that I am a kid, and I deserve to have a little fun! And I don't care how many spankings I get!" Koenma bellowed, indignant as he turned his back towards the group to wave his fist up in the air, violet eyes narrowed angrily at the sky.

"And _I_ came because one, it's my day-off, and two, Koenma-_sama_ sucks at being a normal teenager." Botan cheerily butted in.

"I do not suck!" Koenma turned his anger to the bubbly Grim Reaper.

"Sir, do you know _what_ you are wearing, exactly?" Botan pointed a shivering finger towards the ruler's attire.

"Oh, _sou desu ka_. _Demo kedo_ there's still something very odd about this scene." Kurama took on her customary pose when she was thinking, slender palm cupping her small chin while the other hugged her elbow.

"Well since we were here in the neighborhood who else would we be with but you guys? And since Koenma-_sama _wants to show Enma-_sama_, that he's a teen, what better place to hang out than at the mall!" Botan finished.

"So we went to your place to pick you up after Botan got us and spotted Shortstack here." Kuwabara added.

"And your mom told us you weren't home, that she sent you on some errand to the mall." Yuusuke continued.

"Another reason this is the perfect place for Koenma-_sama_'s first teen lesson!" Botan once again had the last word.

"But we didn't know the "important errand" you were on was getting a fancy schmancy dress." Yuusuke interjected, steering the conversation to the question all of them wanted to ask.

"So what's with the dress?"

Kurama laid the formal wear at the bottom of the paperbag. She did it with such a tenderness, her large jade eyes slightly lidded and pink lips in a half-formed smile, as if the article held her future, all her hopes and dreams.

"_Jitsu wa, _Mother wanted me to come here and pick a dress." Kurama began a little nervously, which was uncharacteristic of their _kitsune_.

"_Jitsu wa_, Mother _insisted_ I go out and get a dress."

"Why?" Shizuru asked.

"Because-"

"SHINA-_SAN_!"

The loud scream of Kurama's human name and the sudden rush of squeaking sneakers cut the _kitsune_'s explanation.

"Akiyama-_san. Nani desu_ _ka_?" Kurama turned towards the yeller.

Obviously a Meiou student, he wore the eyesore-of-a-uniform with a measure of grace despite being hunched over, loud exhalations heard as he struggled for breath. Thick black hair in soft spikes, he looked up to the resident tactician, revealing the bluest pair of baby blues they have ever seen.

"Shina-_san_, I've been trying to catch up with you at school, but you suddenly disappeared."

"_Gomen nasai_ Akiyama-_san_. What do you need?"

The highschooler straightened. Six feet tall, he was a whole foot taller than Kurama. There was an air of self-confidence and self-possession about him that made the girls swoon and the boys realize they didn't like him. Yet the sound of Kurama's soft, polite tone was enough to undo the superiority he exuded, his perfect posture slumped as though his height might offend the lovely young woman in front of him.

A palm went to his raven hair while his blue eyes scanned the noisy streets.

"Akiyama-_san_?" Kurama prodded.

"Ah, yes, well, uhmmmmmm... Shina-_san_... Uhmmm... Can we talk in private?" The man known as Akiyama stuttered. Apparently his posture and aura weren't the only things Kurama unraveled but also his speech and confidence.

"No can do buddy!" Two strong arms from two different bodies slung over Akiyama.

"Anything you can say to Shina you can say in front of us." Kuwabara smiled, all up in Akiyama's face.

"Yeah, we're family." Yuusuke smiled just as dangerously.

"Well... Uhmmmm..." The Meiou student shivered, sapphire eyes wide and frightened.

"Go Shiroku!" Two teenage boys, also from Meiou, cheered their doomed friend on.

"Hamasaki-_san_? Hashimoto-_san_?" Kurama smiled, her head cocked to the right to get a better look at her classmates.

"Ah! Minamino-_san_! J-Just act like we're not here. Hehehe..." The two boys crabwalked their way behind a lamppost.

"Well, I-I-I w-was w-w-won-wondering... Wouldyougotopromwithme?" Akiyama Shiroku blundered through, thoroughly embarrassed and nervous.

"_Gomen_, what was that?" Kurama asked almost teasingly, green eyes sparkling with laughter at the sight of her friends practically throttling Akiyama while her other classmates hid in fear.

The young man took a deep breath, or at least as deep a breath as Yuusuke and Kuwabara's hold on him could allow. "W-Would you go to prom with me?" His voice shivered out, lifting one hand as if presenting his _koi_ with a token of admiration. Which he was.

A bouquet of white roses was thrust into Kurama's small hands. In the middle was a ticket to their upcoming prom.

"I really like you Shina-_san_. For a while now. Will you please give me a chance?" The young man did not stutter this time, yet a note of anxiety was heard in his shaky, deep voice.

Yuusuke and Kuwabara were very near strangling the man, while the girls cooed.

Kurama, however, was speechless. Amusement gave way to complete astonishment, her bright-green eyes staring absently into the bouquet.

"So, will you go?" Akiyama was obviously anxious.

Silence ensued as they awaited her reply.

"_Warii kedo_..." Kurama whispered, jade spherules coming into focus as she placed the flowers in the brokenhearted man's hand.

"But, w-why-"

"I know it's cliche, but it's not you it's me." Kurama began, a tender, condescending smile on her lips. "They're beautiful, and I appreciate the effort. But, I can't." Referring to the flowers, she gave the petals a soft touch.

"Why?! Why?!" Akiyama tore the arms around his neck, which wasn't hard since they went slack at Kurama's refusal.

"Akiyama-_san_, please, I-"

It was Kurama's turn to be cut off. "No, give me a reason. Tell me why you shoot every guy down. Why won't you go with me?"

Her mother taught her the value of others' feelings, along the lines of that lesson was that playing with a man's heart is akin to playing with fire, for whatever reason you do it, in the end you not only get burned but everything around you is set ablaze as well.

Promiscuity was a trait Kurama abhorred; She would never tarnish the name of her good, kind mother for a few flings. Even as Youko she had never laid down with any man, for the life she had chosen a thousand years ago had all the romance and excitement she needed, or would ever want. A man didn't seem necessary back then, but just another knife to come crashing down upon the small of her back in time.

There was an unintentional whine to Akiyama's plea, a strain that made the strategist's heart ache. She didn't want to hurt anyone.

"Because I'm not going." Kurama stated her reason.

"_Nani_?"

"I'm not going to prom." Kurama repeated.

"But then why did you buy a dress?"

"Mother wants me to go. But I don't. She's persistent." Kurama smiled weakly at the memory of her mother pushing her out the door.

"..."

"I'm really sorry. I really am. But it just isn't right to let you hope for something that isn't guaranteed to happen. I really don't want to go, I just gave in to my mother because she's set her heart on it. She won't force me to go, but..." She patted the bag. "Just in case I change my mind, she says."

The young man, who only minutes ago appeared to confident, like nothing in the world could faze him, now looked as deflated and defeated as a popped balloon.

"Why not ask Kaede-_san_? I saw her in the shop I bought this dress a while ago and it seems she's going to take a while. Maybe you can still catch up to her." Kurama offered.

Akiyama Shiroku tightened his grip around the flowers, the beautiful roses which reminded him so much of Shina in spite of their color. Without a word he made his way to his friends, who followed him across the street and in the opposite direction of the shop Kurama was just it.

"That's the fifth one just today." Kurama sighed before turning to her friends.

"Well I guess I more or less answered all your questions _ne_?"

"Yeah, you okay?" Yuusuke asked, concerned.

"_Un_. I'm fine. Just a bit tired. I wish it was easier though." Kurama smiled at Yuusuke. "I'm sorry you all had to bear witness to that."

"Nonsense. So what's on the agenda?" Botan grinned, trying to lift her guilty spirit.

"I was going to go home and do my homework after this but now... Whatever you got, I'm game."

Falling into the soothing rhythm of chatter and banter, Kurama didn't feel as bad about rejecting Akiyama as she felt a few minutes ago, as they all made their way to the theater to teach Koenma how to be a proper teenager. He had rebellion down though.

* * *

"Did you hear?"

"About what?"

"Shiroku got shot down."

"By who?"

"Who else? Minamino-_san _of course!"

"I actually thought Shiroku had a chance."

"Me too."

"Not me. Minamino-_san_'s too good for him! So pay up guys!"

"He's like what? The thirtieth guy?"

"Only this month."

"And it's only the 20th!"

This is what greeted Kaitou Yu as he entered the halls of Meiou Private Academy.

Bookbag slung on his shoulder, he made his way to the large board where he knew the latest scores of the weekly exams were to be posted.

Sure enough, Minamino again.

"You almost got her this time Kaitou. Just a point away."

_That seems a tad familiar..._

"I don't care. There's more to life than sticking your nose into a textbook."

_This too... I smell deja vu..._

"Good day then _Sensei_."

* * *

"Top scores again Minamino-_chan_."

"_Sugoi _Minamino-_chan_!"

And this is what met Kaitou when he joined Class 3-1 that morning.

An even larger gathering of classmates, and even some from other classes, crowded the redhead.

_"Sumimasen minna_ but classes are about to start." The responsible Meiou student smiled nervously, hinting at the need for space.

"Oh, okay. Bye Shina-_chan_."

"Let's have lunch later, _ne_?"

"Keep it up Minamino-_san_!"

The crowd dispersed to their respective rooms, Kurama waving demurely behind them.

The largely diminished chatter was punctuated by a sigh of two.

"_Ohayou gozaimasu _Kaitou." Kurama waved a tad more enthusiastically at her friend-slash-rival.

"Heard you black balled another shooter Minamino."

"Testing out new words?" Kurama turned back to her novel.

"Flexing old ones actually." Kaitou retorted, taking his designated seat next to her.

"But really, I heard you rejected Akiyama-_san_ in front of Mushiyori Complex. Why?" Kaitou asked after a few seconds of silence.

Kurama didn't lift her eyes from her current page, yet those emerald spherules widened noticeably. "You mean you haven't heard why? I thought everyone would've found out by now. No one new has asked me to go."

"I know Akiyama-_san_ isn't the brightest bulb in the case but he's pretty decent not to mention good-looking. Many would kill to be you."

"And many would kill me, period." Emerald eyes darken slightly, weighed with a past no one other than her could live with.

"Then there's Hayashi, Himuro, Ito, Kita, Kawaguchi..." Kaitou began counting off the majority of the male population of their class alone, all with the common denominator of the redhead's rejection.

"Your point Kaitou?"

His silence was his question. _Why the sudden heartbreaking spree?_

"I'm not going, that's why."

His silence just as much screamed his disbelief.

"But Minamino, it's _prom_."

"I am aware."

"The _promenade_."

"Kaitou, point?"

"I just thought girls were supposed to be... Well... _Excited_." Kaitou shifted his seat to get a better look at his rival.

"You've been watching too much _High School Musical."_

"Sorry to disappoint then Kaitou. I just..." Kurama finally lifted that piercing gaze at him, yet it was less direct than usual, less force was in those sparkling emeralds.

"I just don't feel like it I guess." Kurama gave a sad smile.

The bell rang before Kaitou could comment on the darkness intermixed with those vital eyes.

* * *

She really wanted to give him some sort of decent answer, but that was the best she had. Prom just felt... Frivolous. How effortless it is for the whole world to turn completely on its side? How long did they have until the next disaster strikes? Toguro, then Sensui, then the whole fiasco with _Makai_... What next? Dancing the night away in some frilly dress seemed silly when compared to how fast, how easy things could fall apart. And there wasn't the least bit of evidence to support the notion that the _Reikai Tantei _could fix it all again if it happens, when it happens.

She didn't doubt herself, or Hiei, or Yuusuke, or Kuwabara, or any of the people she had come to know as friends and family. So many times before had the power of friendship and love have proven to her their effectiveness to tip the scales. Yet she lived by a set of rules, a life built upon logic and reason, a life governed by the concrete and tangible as well as the abstract. And one fact supported by the evidence of the nature of life itself, was that it could all go to hell in a second. Prom just seemed pretty inane when compared how, excuse language, fucked up everything could go and already is.

Time was better spent on a good book, with good friends, with family and loved ones.

Because one second and they could all go away.

* * *

Since the younger of the Minamino women's attention was so completely enraptured by the latest Dean Koontz, Minamino Shiori opened the door in place of her distracted daughter.

It was the night of the promenade, every girl's dream and every guy's would-be dream if the lovely Minamino Shina had said yes.

Shiori wanted her daughter to go. It was the prom for _Kami_'s sake! It was simply unhealthy and unnatural for a typical seventeen-year-old teenage girl _not _to go. But her Shina was never a typical seventeen-year-old, and she never would be. That was one of the millions of reasons she loved her baby girl.

"Shina, it's for you!"

* * *

Kurama was never for exaggeration, yet unexpected was a euphemism.

"Kaitou..."

Shiori smiled a bit at her little girl's surprised face.

"I'll leave you two alone." Shiori gave another smile much in spirit as Botan's wink a few days ago in front of Mushiyori Complex, soft steps taken towards the kitchen.

Yet Kurama didn't even notice.

There at the threshold of her home was her bitter rival turned friend in a full three-piece black suit. In his hand was a bouquet of snowdrops, in the other, a light blue corsage.

"Kaitou..." She repeated, too speechless to say anything and too shocked to think of anything to say.

"I guess you already know what I mean." Kaitou Yu gave a shaky smile before continuing. "And I know you know that snowdrops symbolize hope."

"Look, don't take this the wrong way. But, it's just not right for a girl not to go to her own prom. I've known you since we were children, been trying to beat you since, and I know you have your reasons though I don't know what they are, neither can I make sense of them. And I know you aren't as normal as you make yourself out to be, the events these past times have proven so, but whoever you were before..."

Kaitou took the sky blue boutonniere from its plastic box.

"You're Minamino Shina now."

He slowly twisted the pearl chain apart.

"And you should be able to enjoy who you are."

He twisted the pearl chain back, around her small wrist.

"So will you please go to the promenade with me?"

* * *

Kaitou took a step back. He had said his piece.

Then she laughed.

It was a beautiful laugh. Yet it was more beautiful because it was so spontaneous.

Minamino wasn't the least bit snobbish, as you might expect from someone of her beauty and intelligence. Yet by no means was she poignant in any manner. She was kind and well-mannered to everyone yet, all the same, she never gave too much of herself too anyone. Usually poker-faced, with only a small smile or teasing smirk to belie a trace of emotion, at her worst, she was quiet and formal. At her most tempestuous, she was about as emotional as a cat, yet a greater measure of polite and sweet.

Such a carefree expression almost never carved its way upon the smooth porcelain of her face, and not ever such art displayed itself to any man.

If he wasn't so captivated by that lithe, soft laugh, he would've taken it as not only a denial but also as an insult.

"Give me ten minutes to get dressed." She grinned toothily, a hand waving down, gesturing to her pajamas.

* * *

The ticking clock almost felt like a countdown to his demise. What was he thinking, asking the most beautiful girl in school to the most unsupervised, alcohol-induced, hormone-intoxicated event of any young adolescent's life?

And Shiori looked so nice at first...

Yet of course she had to be tough, looking after her daughter all this time, though Minamino was by no means promiscuous.

"M-M-Minamino-_san_..."

"So you think you can bring my little angel to the dance huh?"

Ten minutes felt like an eternity. And it had only begun.

"Just so you know Kaitou, but I think you do since Shina has told me you're quite bright, that the father usually does this, _ne_?"

They were in the living room, photos of mother and child festooned the room, a coffee table the only barrier between mother and date.

Shiori sipped her tea daintily, which was even more unnerving.

"If Sakuya, Shina's father, was here now, and he found out a boy was taking his daughter out, he would be bawling right now." Shiori smiled affectionately at the memory of her late husband, such a sweet man, yet too much of a softheart. She loved him for that and so much more.

"He was a cop you know."

Minamino Sakuya was killed in a cop-murderer-shootout when Shina was one.

"And just because I'm the mother and a housewife does not mean I won't go hard on you."

Shiori placed her cup on its white saucer and opened her kind mouth.

Heels were heard overhead.

Ten minutes exactly had gone by.

"Bring her home by midnight."

The battle was at a stalemate.

The two stood.

And the couch was soaked with cold sweat.

* * *

At the top of the steps, Shina looked like some ethereal goddess gracing the mortal land with her presence.

"Wow..."

"My baby's all grown up, _ne_?" Shiori smiled, every bit the emotionally happy wreck she judged her late husband to be.

With her white gown, black and silver tracery seen, she wore a pair of black heels. Her long red hair was tied up in a loose ponytail with a dark blue ribbon, which accompanied the otherwise out-of-place light blue corsage on her wrist.

"Is it okay?" She asked a bit nervous when she reached her two-person entourage at the foot of the stairs.

"Beautiful." Shiori teared up just a bit.

"Absolutely so." Kaitou second, a soft blush on his face.

"The let's go." Shina smiled at them both, putting her arm through Kaitou's in a gentle persuasion.

They went into the embrace of the night.

* * *

Now he knew why that morning felt so familiar.

It was the morning his whole world turned on its side.

And it all started with a little redhead with an affinity for plants.

* * *

**Author's Ramble: Yes I know it was weird but please hear me out and don't kill me! I adore our Kurama just the way he is, in all his androgynous, bishounen glory, but I just find the idea of a genderwarped Kurama too cute to ignore! Which requires to clarify some points:**

**(1) I do not ship KuramaxKaitou except friendship, either yaoi, shounen-ai or genderbent. Here portrayed was just an instance were Kaitou shows his kinder, friendlier side to Kurama which wasn't expounded upon in the anime. I love Kaitou, he's an interesting character, but not enough to validate pairing him with our redhead love god.**

**(2) Since Kurama is a girl here, of course the majority of her fans would be boys. Boys tend to be more, _persistent_ in pursuing. I really wanted to explore that part of Kurama's life as a female. It seemed like fun, all the hearts Minamino Shina would break.**

**(3) Operating on the fact that men are more sexually aggressive than women, I assume that Female Kurama wasn't as promiscuous as Male Kurama when she was still Youko. I'll be realistic and know that Kurama might have had a few flings back then, but we all know that Kurama, girl or boy, will never be sexually irresponsible now because not only is he smarter and better than that, he would always have in mind the image he would be portraying and the effect it would have on his mother's reputation.**

**(4) All the other characters here remain the same gender, though that much is obvious when read. Just reminding.**

**(5) A few of these scenes were borrowed from the anime as a fun little play on some sort of irony.  
**

**(6) Although most of the Japanese here is quite basic, I still want to provide the meaning of the names used here:**

_**Shina~**_** Good Virtue**

_**Akiyama~**_** Autu****mn**** Mountain**

_**Shiroku~**_** White****y/The**** fourth**** of**** nin****e**** tradition****al**** Jap****anese**** astrologi****cal**_** signs**_

_**Hashimoto~**_** Base**** of**** Brid****ge**

_**Hamasaki~ Hama-**_** beach****,**** seash****ore;**_** Saki-**_** peni****nsula,**** cape**

_**Kaede~**_** Mapl****e**

_**Hayashi~**_** F****orest**

_**Himuro~**_** Scarl****et**** Villa****ge**

_**Ito~**_** Th****is**** Wisteria**

_**Kita~**_** Fie****ld**

_**Kawaguchi~**_**Mo****uth**** o****f**** t****he**** Ri****ver**

**And just for the hell of it:**

_**Minamino~**_** Souther****n**** Field**

_**Shuichi~**_** Excell****ence**** Fi****rst**

**(7) Take note that Kurama came from across the street, so crossing the street back to the street where the store Kurama was just at then going in the opposite direction is like a subtle rejection of taking another girl other than Kurama. She's too wonderful to replace!**

**(8) I learned from Mikageshi-_neesan_ that in the Japanese dub of _Yu Yu Hakusho,_ Kurama usually says "_Jitsu wa."_ before explaining things. It was a really neat thing to learn and I wanted to incorporate it here in this fic.**

**(9) One more thing, this fic wasn't made to furhter some anti-prom agenda though I admit I really don't want to go to our prom I guess subconsciously venting? Nothing in this fic, however, aims to insult or mock anyone or anything, Just having a bit of fun at a genderbent Kurama's expense.**

**(10) Minamino Sakuya is who I imagine Kurama's dad is.**

**So I hope you had fun, and if any of you want a few chapters more, please PM. Better yet, say it in the reviews! Review please madla!**


	2. Yomi: Chocolate Mousse

**Author's Ramble: The very first chapter two of anything I have ever written! And just in case you guys are wondering what cuckoo clock would celebrate such a stupidly simple thing, those who are among the handful who know me and my work know I've been working exclusively in oneshots. Anyway didn't really expect anyone to actually want new chapters to this and I just want the three who took the time and effort to type out such long and thought out reviews that I find them touching and empowering, however small the number of those who like this. Great things start from small beginnings, right? So enjoy this second chapter and please review. Slightly inspired by "_To Serve Man_" by The Countess of Monte Cristo.**

**Summary: **Minamino Shina is a thousand year old_ kitsune_, a master thief and strategist and a member of the feared and loved _Reikai Tantei._ She is also a seventeen-year-old teenager conscious about her weight.****

****Disclaimer: The profile madla. The profile.  
****

* * *

Why was Geometry such a pain?

_The slope of the x-axis is... Wait, how did I get from the slope to the line? What does (-5, 6) have to do with this? How can I find this without that and how did that relate to this?_

A knock on the comically tall wooden doors snatched the frustrated mathematician's... frustration, from the gridded notebook towards reality, where an even more annoying, since language that which is more appropriate to the situation at hand, though practiced by a certain raven-haired Spirit detective, was always abhorred by mother of said failed mathematician, matter was even more complicated and incomprehensible.

"Mistress Kurama? King Yomi requests your company for supper immediately."

* * *

Scratch the first question. Why was _life_ such a pain?

"Kurama? You haven't touched your dinner. Is it not to your liking? I could request the chef to prepare something else."

"No, don't trouble yourself. I was just a bit surprised was all."

"Pray tell, why? I've gathered that cake is quite a delicacy in _Ningenkai_."

And sure enough, Yomi just had to look up every last detail of her stay, from her room, which was ensconced in gold and silk fit for even the finest of human royalty, to her meal, which was every bit the delicacy Yomi had his team of researchers find out and so much more.

The king of Gandara had made his chef concoct a chocolate cake. But not just any chocolate cake. A chocolate mousse cake. And a whole round, though petite, mound of it at that. Just because the six-earred king knew she would love it.

Soft whipped cream festooned the top and sides in milky swirls, troughs, crests and twirls. Zigzags of dark chocolate sauce filigreed the cream, while milk chocolate ganache was sandwiched between two three-inch layers of black forest pastry. The decadent and obviously thought out and planned over dessert made Kurama's mouth water and stomach rumble. Yet not with hunger, but with a wave of nausea.

The dessert was not a testament to Yomi's consideration, but more like evidence of what brought the redhead _kitsune_ to the Majesty's table in the first place.

He had found out everything. Not only about the world she had come to call home, but also about _her_. Down to her favorite cake. He disgusted her. Made her sick. Made her feel violated and betrayed. Reminded her of who she had once been. She suppressed the urge to regurgitate the dinner she had yet to have.

_Kami, _did Kurama hate him.

"Kurama?"

Those beautiful green eyes lifted towards the Gandara leader's own lidded eyes, burning, yet the flame was perennial if anyone would care to notice. It was mellow and warm when with loved ones and friends. The fire turned cold when in battle and in thought. And now it blazed with a quiet, calculated anger, with one more word in Yomi's own quiet, calculated voice, the anger would be fanned into an inferno of rage and hatred.

_Kami_, did Yomi adore that fire.

"I'm sorry. I spaced out. Human world assignments." The master thief of another life took her misshapen fork, deformed not of intention or disregard but of the difference of culture.

"So tell me, why cake?" Kurama pinned a lock of stray crimson hair behind her perfect left lobe before marring the perfection of the chocolate mousse cake with her fork.

"Why not?" Yomi took to his own meal, taking his own place as well on their seesaw game of control.

"Why not indeed." And she placed the thick bite in her small perfection of a mouth.

It was a comfortably strained silence that followed. The kind that reminded Kurama of horror movies she watched late into the night when she was a smidgen younger, the quietude of the wary predator approaching the armed prey, both unaware of the danger the other posed to oneself, yet both cautiously confident and wisely frightened.

A series of rings cracked the tenacious facade of civility the silence presented.

A series of wild, panicked cries further broke the crackled stillness.

"King Yomi!"

The current second-in-command of Gandara was the first through the door, an army on his heels, all in an effort to protect their beloved king.

Kurama wanted to laugh.

Yomi wanted to bash his head into a wall.

"Your Highness!"

"Shachi..." Yomi began in his own effort to placate the fish man. Yet the soothing call of his name was unheeded as the large deformed humanoid sushi trudged over to the young lady barely stifling her laughter.

"You treacherous bitch! What was that? A signal to the enemy? To Raizen's heir perhaps?"

Kurama composed herself after the first loud "You", standing on her feet, poker-faced yet slender hand beneath rose-red locks.

"Shachi."

The cold command that replaced the cool calm stopped Shachi, arm held back in a similar position for battle.

"Go back to your quarters."

Shachi sputtered. "But Sire-"

"Enough Shachi. I trust Kurama and her judgement. You swing that club, you show your suspicion towards your country, your duty and your king." Yomi stood as well. Despite forever closed, Shachi felt as though those sightless eyes could see through to his very soul.

"_Oyasumi Nasai_ then, my King. And may you have a fine meal." Shachi bowed low, leading his troops out.

_So tonight is not destined for our final match, Shachi..._

Kurama pulled her small hand out of her long tresses and trained her eyes upon Yomi.

_Manipulative... There was a time I would've approved... You remind me so much of who I used to be... And how I am not the woman I once was..._

Only then did she notice that the phone was still ringing.

Written in black, block letters in the middle of the screen:

**_KAASAN_**

"I do apologize Kurama. He is my general, not to mention my _current_ second-in-command. He is devoted and loyal, no more. Should we con-"

Yomi stopped in the middle of his apology.

Blindness heightened other senses, compensation if you will. And when Shigure added two extra pairs of ears...

Yet it were not footsteps that alerted him that his company had disappeared.

It was her subtle scent growing fainter and fainter.

* * *

_"I was so worried when I came home and you weren't here, Shina."_

"_Gomenasai, Kaasan_. I left a note but it must have been blown by the wind."

_"No worries honey. I'm just glad you're all right. So, an overnight Biology meet, huh?"_

"Yes _Kaasan_. They finally talked me into it."

_"I'm glad you said yes. You're much too smart not to join."_

A pinch of red colored the Minamino daughter's cheeks. "Thank you _Kaasan_. I'm sorry though. I know I've been leaving a lot for some time now. I'll make it up to you. Pinkie promise."

_"Nonsense sweetheart. It's what a teenager is suppose to do. To go out and explore the world, find herself, something for herself and make something of herself."_

Kurama smiled, slipping so perfectly into the life of Minamino Shina.

Shiori must have sensed her daughter's smile. But for all the wrong reasons.

_"There's something different in your tone honey. So is he cute?"_

The receded red came back with a vengeance. "_Kaasan_!"

Why must a mother always deduce romance?

_"So he is! Don't take that tone with me Shina! A mother has to know!"_

The laughter in the elder Minamino woman's voice made her smile even wider. Yet in an effort to save her dignity, Kurama changed gears. "So what's for dinner there at home?"

_"Nothing special sweetie._ Ramen_ and curry. You? They better be feeding you there."_

"Chocolate Mousse cake."

In the highest tower outlooking the bloody sky, a peal of lightning cleaved the congealed scarlet in twain. It was here the young Meiou student always took her mother's calls or made calls to her mother, safe from the world, the danger and _him_.

_"Cake? Chocolate cake? Oh honey, you are never going to be a normal teenager, I should have known."_

There was the tiniest tease in Minamino Shiori's motherly voice, and a tinge of something Kurama could only deduce, as pride.

"_Kaasan_? What do you mean?"

_"Nothing honey. I just mean... How _normal._"_

"_Kaasan, _forgive me, but you're not making sense."

_"Sweetie, your innocence becomes you. You'll figure it out, you're too smart not to. Mommy has to go now. I love you."_

"Okay. I love you too. Take care and I'll see you in a week."

_"And Shina?"_

"Yes?"

_"I'm proud that you don't care."_

The line went dead, leaving a thoroughly confused Kurama on the other end.

"Your mother is quite a card, Kurama."

Startled, the redhead turned on her heel, yellow tunic swishing the only sound to signal so.

Jet-black hair fallen down and straight, the blind royalty leaned casually against the door frame, blocking the only path out.

An overdue bang of thunder wracked the ground, but the cool of the two players on either side did not even shudder.

"Have you forgotten that anything within my domain is also within my hearing range?"

Silence, stillness, control.

"From the crack of an ant's leg breaking to, yes, the distant voice of a worried mother on the phone."

Silence, stillness, control.

Silence, stillness, control.

Silence, stillness, control.

"Stay away from my mother, Yomi."

The resident blue-blood could feel the crimson-haired woman's icy glare. How could such a look burn yet at the same time chill?

"It is a blessing indeed, this hearing. But at times just like this, I ponder upon the thought that it was not worth the price I paid it for."

Silence, stillness, _control_.

"Perhaps you are due a visit home."

In an instant the emerald flame abade to a low flicker of confusion.

"And Kurama?"

"Yes Yomi?"

"I agree with your mother. And even if you ate two whole cakes, you would still have a lovely figure."

With that he straightened and left, leaving an even more confused than annoyed Kurama alone in the tallest chamber.

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**Author's Ramble: And now the customary explaining of things I would assume you'd deduce but I am still too paranoid not to elaborate upon.**

**(1) The conversation between Kurama and Shiori, or at least the ending, is a somewhat subtle hinting that Shiori is proud that Kurama isn't like other teenage girls who fuss too much over their weight and what they eat. I get that we females want to look slender and slim for that cute guy or that swimsuit or just to feel good about ourselves in the locker room with all the other girls, and no I'm not mocking anyone but simply sympathizing, but still you don't have to ignore your happiness to please a thousand strangers. To girls everywhere, as cliche and easier-said-than-done as it is, you're beautiful in your own special way. Don't change to fit the world's mindset of how you should be.**

**(2) Since it was mentioned in the anime that Yomi can hear anything and everything within his kingdom, I assumed that since Kurama's phone _is _within the parameters of Gandara, Yomi can still hear whoever she's talking to. Therefore, Yomi heard mother and daughter's whole conversation. Yomi agrees with Kurama mom, even saying in the end that no matter what or how much Kurama ate, she would still have "a lovely figure".**

**(3) Since we never really found out where Yomi's cool and freaky other four ears came from, I've also assumed that Shigure was responsible. And his price? To never tell his true feelings for Kurama, which was also subtly hinted at by the words "... But at times just like this, I ponder upon the thought that it was not worth the price I paid it for."**

**(4) I wonder what _is_ the sound of an ant's leg breaking? Maybe I should ask Yomi. HA! This story was so much shorter than I thought it could be. And by the way, finally got a wattpad account: Akikoyo Grey, guys! I hope you guys read my upcoming stories and stay tune to this one and hang on for the others yet to come! Four was used for advertisement and weirdness! Review madla and come back for the next chappy!**


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